I wish I had the fearlessness of a 1 year old and the wisdom of a 90 year old. 1 year olds don’t give up when they’re attempting to learn how to walk, no matter how many dozens/hundreds of times they fall down! 90 year olds make rare mistakes when it comes to judgement. They’ve seen and been through it all. Nothing phases them! In many ways they’re even more fearless than infants! A big difference between the two are that infants are fearless out of ignorance that they can fail. 90 year olds have the wisdom to know that if they never give up, they’ll never fail!
After 42 years on Earth, married to my fourth wife, having a hand in raising and/or guiding 10 children, 2 of them from my loins, now splitting my time residing in my fourth Country and 8th US State, I’m finally maturing into a totally decent human being! It took my current wife to put her foot down and threaten to divorce me if I didn’t get my sh** together for me to open my eyes and look at myself in the mirror. All others just threw me away, gave up on me, and I never learned! I have someone in my life now that isn’t governed by how awful I’ve treated her! She is allowing God to lead in all that she does! If it were up to her, and her alone, she would have left me year 1 of our 2 1/2 year marriage! I have now seen who I really was, and been given a chance to be who I was meant to be from the beginning of time! My purpose has always been to be an upright Man of God! A good husband, father, role model, etc. All of that was being blocked by the poor decisions I was making and the negative lifestyle that I was living! Right now, for the very first time in my life, I’m free! A weight has been lifted off my shoulders, sort of like when giving someone a piggy back ride for a long period of time, and when they finally get off your back, you feel 5 times lighter. That’s how I feel! Living with a totally clear conscious, no guilt, no hidden secrets, no deceit, is a joy that I can’t explain! I thank God for this gift of a new life, a new beginning. And I thank my wife for allowing God to order her steps!
This is a difficult issue to share, but I think it’s time. Hopefully it’ll help someone else besides myself. I’ve been dealing with sexual addiction for the majority of my life! It started as a prepubescent boy, when I discovered girls liked me. I was living in Michigan in a small community where my father was finishing his Masters Degree in Religion. My family had moved there temporarily from Bermuda. I was in Kindergarten and fascinated with my surroundings, mostly the various people from different ethnic backgrounds.
I have many vivid memories from that time, even though I was only about 5 or 6 years of age. One memory that stands out for me was when a Caucasian girl, that was a couple of years older, forced me to kiss her on the lips. Yes, my first kiss was at the tender age of 6 years old!!
We returned to Bermuda, the birth place of my Father, where myself, along with my siblings, and the majority of my friends, attended a Private Christian school, which taught K-12. There I had my first girlfriend! We were together for about 3 years, between grades 2-4. I developed my kissing skills by practicing with her, and also with my sister’s friends, when they visited her at our house! Yes, I was a Player, before I even hit puberty! ❤️ LOL!
After a few years in Bermuda, my father accepted a job with a Conference, within our religious organization, in the USA, and we moved to a small town in Southern New Jersey. I saw a much “bigger” and “broader” world! I’d just moved from an island, that was 21 Miles long and 3 Miles wide, to a small city that was the same size, or even bigger! I met so many people from different ethnic backgrounds. They spoke a dozen different languages and were different in so many other ways. Just giving you background because this new experience allowed my “taste” to pretty much be nonexistent. I was so intrigued by everyone, especially the girls.
My first experience with adult content was actually in about the 6th grade. There were some “low achieving” boys in the class that were well into their teen years. The oldest was about 16!!…Yup, in the 6th grade! Well, they did things to themselves in class that scarred me for life. At home was a continuation of the adult content. My father was a sports fanatic, we both were, so of course he ordered cable channels so that he could keep up with our teams. What he didn’t know about those cable channels was that after the sports went off, soft porn was being shown, and I couldn’t get enough. I was addicted before I understood anything about addiction. I was about 12 years old when I started masturbating.
Fast forward to age 19, when I’d already been with about 4-5 girls sexually, and I was married with a child that was born 2 weeks before my 20th Birthday. I had had an affair prior to marrying my first wife but while she was pregnant. She found out after the affair ended by snooping through my things in my bedroom which was in my parents’ house. She was distraught but we still got hitched and lived happily for about a year, until she got revenge by finding a boyfriend which she liked better because he was rich and she was/is, all about the money! We were living in an attic apartment at the time, so I went to live with my older brother and she moved back in with her parents.
At this time I became very depressed and lonely and discovered that for the right price, there were women everywhere I looked, that could help me feel better, even though it was temporary and might I add, illegal. This became a habit which I continued with for several years, from about 1996-2003. In 1997, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder which come to find out, had plagued my entire life, and was a factor in my sexual addictions and heightened sexual appetite.
Fast forward 3 failed committed relationships, 2 being with women I actually married, to now, my forth wife, and I’m still dealing with addictions. That being Social Media and my phone where I access internet based apps, including porn. My wife has also caught me having inappropriate dialogue with women in the past. I’m slowly making strides now though but I’m not “cured” and I have a long way to go.
I joined a Christ-Centered 12 step program which is helping a great deal! I’ve met quite a few men that struggle with sexual addiction as well. I’ve realized that I’m no better than any other addict or person with a character flaw which has made me less judgemental. I’m still working on that!
I hope this blog entry has opened your eyes a bit and caused you to have a different view about how debilitating sex addiction is, and how it affects not only the sex addict! Please pray for me as I pray for all those suffering with addictions of all kinds, and flaws of all kinds as well! Be blessed!
So I’ve made it to yet another year and I can honestly say I’m happy! Of course I’m not 100% happy, but I haven’t been this happy in quite some time! I have a beautiful, loyal, supportive and Godly wife, who loves me with all her heart, I have great children, wonderful family and friends, and I’m optimistic about what 2016 has to offer.
Last year was challenging, and it was difficult because I made it that way! I failed in many areas of my life, and even though that seems negative, I see the situation as a positive thing. Reason being, I can make this year much better than last year by just deciding to make changes in those areas of my life that I failed in.
Instead of making “New Year’s Resolutions”, which no one keeps, I figured I’d set goals that are reachable, that will require me to just buckle down and Just Do It like Nike! For one, I have to step out of my comfort zone and stop procrastinating. I’ve actually been meaning to write a book on procrastination, but I just haven’t gotten around to it yet!! 😃 In all seriousness, procrastination has crippled me my entire adult life. There are many things I’ve set out to do, or that I’ve been meaning to do, but I’ve always put it off until the next day or some time in the future, that never came! I’ve associated with multiple successful people and each of them make sacrifices when it comes to their craft! They are intentional about getting things done in a timely fashion! I plan on making 2016 my best year to date!….Stay tuned, and Happy New Year
This is an interesting topic for me to share at this point in my life! I’m closing in on my 42nd Birthday in a little under half a year! I was born and raised in “The Church” as a PK(Pastor’s Kid). This title was horrible for me growing up and to this day!! According to “regular” church members, I was predestined to be the worst kid in church! On the other hand, because I was the PK, I was expected to be the most well behaved kid in church! This frustrated the SH** out of me!! I was like, “Please choose how I should be so I can act accordingly!!”
Growing up in a “Peculiar” denomination, we were taught to be different from the rest of the Christian denominations! We kept the Sabbath Day Holy, which is the seventh day, according to the original Law, our diet was different, our doctrine was different, etc. Well for me personally, all this meant was that I was unable to do anything fun! Everything that my schoolmates were doing, I wasn’t allowed to do! I didn’t grow up going to all private Christian schools as some of my contemporaries in my church organization did! I had a mixture of Christian/Private education and public education! As a PK in my denomination, we moved ever so often! Pretty much by the time I got settled, had a crew of great friends, and got used to my school, we were moving elsewhere! The first move that I remember was from the gorgeous Island of Bermuda, to the “suburbs” of a small South Jersey city!! I went from Paradise, where everyone was a part of ONE culture, no matter our ethnic background, to a chaotic, hateful, racially segregated world!! At the age of 10 years old, in the mid 1980’s, this new dynamic was more than a culture shock! It stripped me of my initial identity and joy!!
I digress…back to “The Church”! I’ve found, and have come to realize, that the church is a very political, racist, sexist and seperatist entity, even more than the US Government!! This is IMO of course!! The church refuses to ordain female pastors, although they’re allowed to be the First Elders of many congregations which is the Pastor’s right hand! Females are allowed to pay to attend their seminary to obtain their degrees and are also hired to pastor their churches, but because they’re not allowed to be ordained, they are not allowed to make the same salaries as their male counterparts! When a male Pastor, and there are quite a lot, is caught in a “scandal”, depending on how “Powerful” the pastor is, meaning, how well he can capture an audience and bring in more tithe paying members into the fold, the church turns a blind eye to his indiscretions, but then when a single woman in the church is with child, she is shunned until she has the baby, then after she publicly repents and has to get rebaptised, she may be reinstated!
There has never been a Black Leader of our World organization but when it comes to our World Wide membership, the majority are from the Continent of Africa, whom are prodominently Black! Our churches are segregated! We have Black, White, Haitian, Hispanic, other seperate congregations! We have Black and White Conferences, made up of a network of segregated churches! I really don’t see how Christ is being represented here!
One thing about “The Church”, they don’t pay their pastors high wages! I mean, we always had food in the fridge, we never lived in the “ghetto”, we almost always had two “ok” vehicles in the driveway! We never wore the latest fashions though, never received a lot of presents on Birthdays and Christmas, but we had each other! My father never fell into the trap of false prestige that a lot of the “Powerful” preachers I grew up with did! He was more of a Blue Collar guy! He did the majority of his work out of the sanctuary! He visited the sick, helped less fortunate people, he wasn’t afraid to get his hands dirty! He was never a “dynamic” speaker, nor did he need to be! He was a rare gem! Because of him is why I can take away something positive from my church experience, but it’ll never be the same!!
I guess I need to finish this now and publish it! I’ve been told that I need to write a book! This is evidence that they have a point!!
It’s been 14 years since I started my entrepreneurial efforts in LegalShield, formerly Pre-Paid Legal. When I first started my business, I was a member for about six months prior. I’d used the service a few times and my boss at the time, my sponsor(person who signed me up) saw my potential as a business owner! I was his first recruit.
Let me give you some background a bit. LegalShield is a Network Marketing, or Multi Level Marketing company. It was established in 1972 by the late Harland Stoncipher. He was an insurance salesman that was in a serious auto crash that was the other driver’s fault but the other driver decided to sue him. Mr Stoncipher spent his life savings defending himself in court and did some research and found that in Europe, legal services had been in place for quite some time. 40+ years later, LegalShield has produced almost 200 Millionaires, meaning those who’ve earned over 1 Million Dollars in total commissions, and have produced many other people that make at least 6 Figures annually.
When I started my business I got a quick start! I signed up several people and had some success. One person that I signed up, signed up a young man that went on to create hundreds of teammates and counting. Every month, new teammates are added to my organization! It’s a great feeling.
I’d like to share a story of how the membership worked for me in one instance early on in my career. I was with my ex wife and children in Maryland, living in an apartment. It was a pretty nice area. We lived on the ground floor. There just so happened to be a few things in the apartment that needed to be repaired shortly after we moved in, one of those things being my daughter’s bedroom window which we couldn’t secure all the way from the inside. One day we came home from church to find that someone had broken in to our apartment and fastened the chain on our front door from the inside…of course. We called the Police and they kicked in the door damaging the lock and chain. We then contacted our management office to tell them about the door and to tell them again about the other repairs that were needed in our apartment including the window that couldn’t lock. Management did nothing for about a week and a half until I called LegalShield. After management received a letter from my law firm, all repairs were complete by that weekend.
I’ve actually called LegalShield about 60 times in over 14 years! Each time they answered my questions. The answers they gave me may have not always been what I wanted to hear, but they were what I needed to hear!
I enjoy sharing this service with my friends and family, but for some reason, they are the most difficult group to get to see the value in what I do! It’s a challenge to even get them to look at the information I’ve tried to present to them. One of my close friends once told me that I’d be better off opening a Lemonade Stand. That one stung at first but then I heard one of my mentors speak, that has earned about 7 Million Dollars in the business so far. He said that even his father told him that he was crazy when he started his business! He said that some of his friends and family didn’t believe in what he was doing at first! I know I have a long way to go and I won’t quit no matter what!
I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t ask you to check out my website below! Enjoy!
I’m now living in my forth Country in 40+ years! I am not able to work yet so I do other things to support the household. I do the majority of the cooking, driving, and taking care of everyday errands. My wife is very supportive. She is my forth wife, and final I’d like to add. If for some strange reason I lose my mind and mess this one up, I’m never ever getting married again. She is my soul mate! I’ve never met anyone like her in my life! She has all the attributes that were on my “list”, and she also came with “bonuses” that surpassed my expectations! I’ve always been at least a contributor to the household specifically when it came to income. I’ve never been in this situation before where I was not able to work. In my first marriage, I was barely an adult. I was employed at two minimum wage jobs at the time my wife went and found someone with a better paying career…he was in street pharmaceutical sales, his Russian family business! My second wife was in the Communications field. I worked as a truck driver that delivered roofing materials to contractors at job sites. During my tenure at that job, I took a leave of absence to further my collegiate studies! I later found out that she had an issue with me taking a leave from work to study! My third wife was in nursing! When we first got married she was the primary bread winner. I was doing odd jobs here and there to make ends meet. We later moved in with her mother, brothers, and one of her brother’s wife and children and I started working as a server at a southern style buffet restaurant and also I delivered pizza for a national pizza chain! I was making good money between both jobs and the best thing about working at jobs where I made tips was that I was bringing home cash everyday. I didn’t have to wait to get paid. My third wife stopped working at this point to home school her children. It was a win/win for everyone. She was actually not that appreciative of all that I was doing and kind of took me for granted. My forth and final wife treats me like a King! I’ve never experienced love like this before! When I do get a little money here and there from my home based networking business, she always shows her appreciation, even if it’s a few bucks! She just makes me feel special in every aspect of our marriage! The fact that I have a supportive wife now really makes me want to be a better man!! She’s been teaching me to expand my mind and the way I process information! I used to be close minded and impatient when it came to dealing with people in general, that wasn’t good for business, or getting along with the people in my circle! Of course in my previous marriages and relationships, I wasn’t half the man I’ve evolved into today! I thank my wife for a brand new and improved me, and a smooth transition into this temporary title of House Husband/Mr. Mom which I’ve absolutely embraced and enjoyed for quite some time! I pray that you can find your soul mate one day as well. Maybe you have, which is awesome and rare! Don’t let them go once you’ve found them! True love usually only comes once in a lifetime! Thanks for reading! Blessings!
There’re a few things I despise about some of the people on Social Media! Person # 1:
They inbox me randomly without a salutation or greeting, going straight into their business script! A lot of times the initial contact is an automatic message! (I hate those with a passion by the way)!! Being an active business owner myself, and promoting my business on Social Media as well, I feel that it’s highly out of line for another home based business owner to try and recruit me into their business with no previous personal contact…I could see if we got to know each other and I happened to mention that I was looking for a new opportunity, but they don’t even take the time to view my page and learn anything about me! Terrible first impression!
Person # 2:
When I’m in a text, messenger, or any type of DM conversation with an adult for a good while, and then all of a sudden they start responding with one word answers, the thumbs up emoji/emoticon, or not responding at all, then when they finally do come back to the conversation they say something like, “Oh sorry, I’m at work!” Or, “I’m cooking!” Etc. If you’re busy, let a brotha’ know right away so that I don’t get into a deep comfortable conversation with you!!
Person # 3:
I can’t stand seeing a grown people who were raised and educated in a country where English is the primary language, that chronically butchers the English language! I can see infrequent mistakes like when your phone or device tries to autocorrect some words and you hit SEND without proofreading, but when these people constantly type “Your welcome!”, or use “Your” for everything instead of “You’re” it bothers me to no end! My BFF who was one of the people that inspired me to start this blog has a Bachelors Degree in English with a concentration in Journalism. She’s a very good writer and editor. Unlike myself, I’m just a novice. She feels the same way on this subject that I do though! Oh yeah, and she also has another Bachelors Degree in Criminal Justice! She’s such brilliant woman! I’m not too sure why some people find it difficult to type “You’re” instead of “Your”, “Too”, instead of “To”, or “They’re” or “Their”, instead of “There”! When they are making these mistakes when it comes to common grammar learned in Grade School, there’s no excuse! Some people make excuses for their horrible spelling and grammar online and say, “Well, no one gives a crap when it’s online!” That’s where they’re wrong! Communicating is a great way to start any type of relationship! When it comes to business especially, I don’t want to deal with people that don’t come off as intelligent! I like to have great interactions with people! If they don’t speak well, I can’t converse with them for very long!
Person # 4:
This person is usually an administrator of a FaceBook group that I follow! I used to belong to quite a few groups but some admins post questions and then don’t participate in the discussions! They just sit back and watch the heated conversations in the thread! I can tell they’re watching because they’re pressing “like” on the comments that they agree with! In some other cases, they are the polar opposite and take over the whole discussion, posting consecutive comments without allowing other members to get a word in edgewise! I’ve noticed that there are a lot of attempts to belittle or even bully participants in the group that have different views from theirs and after the barrage of negative comments towards the people that think contrary to them, they try and make light of the situations, acting like they were just joking! These admins think they’re gods in real life just because they have fake notoriety and have no real life other than posting online every 6 minutes!! Most of their posts are obvious attempts to gain attention! They post rhetorical questions that are just for reactions! This practice is not only shady, but sad! I feel sorry for people whose only claim to fame is being a FB group admin! LOL!
Person # 5:
These people take the cake when it comes to frustrating me and irritating me! They inbox me a simple “Hi”! After I don’t respond, they inbox me again, “Hi”! I’m like, “WTH DO YOU WANT??! Usually they’re scammers or contacts from the Continent of Africa! The ones that have one or two photos on their entire profile of an amazingly attractive young woman and ask me to write them on their email…I block them immediately! Some people though slip through the cracks and somehow become my friend! They’re the ones that contact me and ask me how I’m doing and how my family is doing! Then a few days later they’re asking me for money!! Smdh!!
Anyway, that concludes this post about my expectations when it comes to online etiquette and also my pet peeves! If you can relate, hit like! If you would like to share some of your expectations and pet peeves, I’d love to read your comments below! Thanks so much for your time!
When I met my first wife, I was a hormonal 18 year old recent High School graduate and she was an unfamiliar pretty face that I’d met participating in the summer Track & Field program for my former school. She had just transferred from another high school program to specifically join my former school’s track program! I had never made the first move on a girl before so one of my friends started talking to her first. I immediately put her in the friend zone and even hung out with them and with other friends at times. It wasn’t long before she heard me sing, as I was known to randomly break out in song, and her attention shifted to me! We became friends and exchanged numbers but were in an awkward situation because she was dating my friend! She actually introduced me to one of her friends and her friend and I hit it off which complicated matters even more! I was attracted to both of them but even more so my future wife! The short relationship easily ended between her and my friend but the short relationship between myself and her friend didn’t end so easily! Her friend had developed feelings for me and I kind of left her for her friend, the same one that introduced us! So here we were, two young “head over heels” for each other 18 year olds! We quickly started a passionate physical relationship, both of us fairly new to sex, it was exciting! It was my first real adult relationship, her second!
Fast forward one year later and we were planning to start a family!! Still both teenagers, no careers, no college education, we just wanted a child! We got pregnant and then 8 months into her pregnancy we decided to marry! It just felt right at the time!
Back up a bit! During our courtship, she’d had an indiscretion with one of her high school friends in a hotel room at a track & field tournament! The details of that event have never been clear! When she was about 3 months pregnant, I started an affair with one of my vocal groups “admirers”! I joined a professional vocal quintet shortly after my wife and I started dating….my wife found out about my affair sifting through my closet and stumbling on love letters my other girlfriend had written me! I immediately cut off that affair and recommitted myself to the mother of my future child!
So we get married at the local courthouse, with her mother and my best friend at the time, a member of my vocal group, in attendance. It was a happy day, so happy that he and I went straight to my parents’ house and wrote 1/3 of a song…(the song remains unfinished) I moved from my parents’ house, to her parents’ house and our daughter was born 4 weeks later after we tied the knot!
Fast forward one year and my wife was in her own affair with a Russian cocaine dealer who was also her manager at her job at the time! I was crushed, begged her to stop the affair, she kept seeing him and I put my hands on her violently! Remember, we are living with her parents at the time! I just knew her father was going to kick my @$$! To my amazement, he took my side and told me that she deserved what she got! I still didn’t feel good about hitting her but hurt people hurt people right? I moved out of her parents’ house and moved into my brother’s apartment, where I crashed on the floor.
Our daughter is 21 now and has a 3 yr old son of her own by a deadbeat father! Her mother, my ex wife recently kicked her and our grandson out yet again, this time because my daughter received a loan from my ex’s brother for groceries and of course her and her brother have severed ties! I can’t count how many times this has happened! Her mother has been cold to her, not hugging her or saying “I love you” but treats her younger sons by her present husband like princes!
I’ve been in my daughter’s life from day one! Never an absentee father. She’s never lived under my roof, but I’ve had a huge role in her upbringing! She’s never once gotten smart with me, we’ve never argued, nothing! Not one issue! She’s a great young lady! My ex blames our daughter for her situation! She’s stated that if she hadn’t had her so young that she’d be much further in life! I sure wished that I could’ve foreseen the future! I’m ashamed of my choice to bring a life into this world with her! Now I see that she is threatening my daughter on social media!! What a winner!!
My daughter is such a blessing! The day she was born changed me from an immature boy, to a responsible young man! The love I have for her is unique! My first true love! I have other children and I don’t have favorites, but there’s something special about my first child! I can’t imagine turning my back on her and proceeding to bash her on social media even if she cursed me out or did something else totally disrespectful and I didn’t even carry her in my womb for 9 months or have an excruciating 17 hour labor that ended with an emergency c-section! What type of person could be so hateful towards her own child!!
Well, I’m glad I finally told that story! It eats at me frequently! Some nights I lose sleep…like tonight…it’s just great therapy to get it out! My daughter is so strong! If one of my parents or family members treated me half as bad as she treats our daughter, I’d have broken a very long time ago! I just regret ever getting involved with my ex!! I just have to pray for her. God don’t like when people mistreat His children! I feel sorry for my ex! Karma is a Bi***!
Hello World!…or both of you who’ll be reading my posts! Lol! I’ve decided to finally start my blog! I’ll be talking about my journey through LIFE, over the past 4 decades, mostly concentrating on my present life but reflecting on past events as it relates to my present! I’m now living in my forth country and living with my forth wife in 21 years of marrying my first wife! I have 2 biological daughters, ages 21 and 13, and one 3 year old grandson. I’ve had a hand in raising 4 former stepchildren, 2 boys in my second marriage, and 2 girls in my third marriage. I have 4 present stepchildren now. 2 are grown, and 2 are school age. My wife and I have different parenting styles. She’s easy-going, and I’m more strict. Respect and structure are very important for me in raring children. I hope you learn something useful from my posts, or at least are entertained. Join me why don’t you?